BEN AND ZILA'S
Do you focus on what you don't want? To know if you do, think about what you don't want your partner to do. Now think about how you need from your partner to be happy. If your mind goes blank then you are complaining, not creating.
Maybe you've been telling your partner everything that you feel is wrong with your relationship. It can feel so good to just let it out! And while it is a good practice to speak the truth about what you feel, there are constructive and destructive ways of doing it.
Do you have a clear idea of how to fix what is bothering you? Most people don't. And what you are really saying, if you stop and think about it, is that you have no idea how to create, what you know in your heart, will make you happy. If you are like most people, then you are just hoping that things work out, the right circumstances will avail themselves, and everything will feel better. Well, this is a "nice" idea, but waiting won't change minds, hearts or behavior.
After a couple of individual sessions with Zila, it became clear that Ben needed to be in the sessions. Together, I wanted to help them tie up unfinished business, left unattended in their 10 year marriage. Now Zila and Ben live in Oregon and I live in San Francisco, we would have to wait until they both came back to San Francisco again or I needed to come up with a new solution that would work for them in Bend, OR. The solution I developed, was my very first At Home Couples Retreat.
During their At Home Couples Retreat, Ben and Zila laughed, they cried, they forgave (each other). They charted a new course for their relationship by creating a new vision for their love. They rekindled their passion and created a purpose for their love that was big enough to grow with them, as their needs, values and desires changed.